July 6: Grace and Rainy Hikes

 Tonight I feel thankful for the hike this morning with my dad—the pioneer trail upper section in the rain most of the time. It was so green—like a rain forest almost with lots of ferns and flowers. James was a good hiker! He is a good hiker and I’m glad I had that time with him in the car and on the hike today. We stopped to visit Melissa too, who is having some major health problems. I am worried about her. More than usual. I don’t want to stop asking about her health and trying to help or offer support where I can. She suffers a lot every day. So just want to be real with her and respond the way I feel. Not trying to make things worse for her, but being real. I want to be more real about a lot of things with my family. It is not always easy to do that. But if I can do that with love and kindness and compassion I think our my extended family can be healthier and I can learn things that will help my own sweet family. How I live Ryan and my boys. Peter has had a much better day at FSY. He texted us to say he cried in front of 30 people today bearing his testimony. How I love that boy!! I’m so grateful today was better. I hope he and William both enjoy their last full day tomorrow. I will be so happy to have them back, but hope home is not too much of a let down. We read our come follow me section tonight—James and Ryan and I. Trying to be spiritually healthy and not get too far behind the big boys. James has been lots of fun tonight. He picked dinner—stroganoff and the movie Winnie the Pooh. Fun times. I dyed my hair tonight. I like it. It’s reddish brown. It is closer to my natural color. The blond was looking quite brassy I felt. It’s fun to try something new. 

And speaking of trying something new—I really do want to be more real with my family including my mom. She mentioned some very disturbing things about Grace and Jon and Ally, in passing and then was joking about other stuff and I was horrified and felt very unsettled and scared and sad and I could not just joke about my mom’s pottery class or cards for the homeless shelter for teens. I want to be authentically me with everyone. Not easy to do with some people, but I can lovingly do that and feel happier and more myself. I want to take better care of myself and not be afraid to be my best self. Heavenly Father has sent me here to learn to love and to grow and to choose Christ and to gain experience and to develop my talents. I want to stop living small so as to not offend others. Just want to be my best self not to compete or compare,,but because I love myself and love my God and love others. So grateful for this day. And I pray with all my heart that Grace can be blessed in this next year to find health and strength and peace and healing—to have Grace.