7-7

 Great evening, tough-ish day. Went swimming with mom and James and cousins. So much good stuff, but hard things too. My mom remembers things differently with my grandma and will say things that I make mean stuff that it shouldn’t. Ah well. I am learning. Learning to not give so much power to others. Learning to rely on my Savior and Heavenly Father more. I have had a few panic attacks today thinking about teaching this year. I have felt sad and scared and so very much not wanting to be a teacher. But I have also felt encouraged by my children and my husband. And felt like I can do anything for two years if it will help my children. I am not without talent and ability and if I trust in God, He can make my talents magnified. He can empower me to be able to teach even the most challenging students and classes. I can do it with His help. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. And I can do it for my kids. Of course I can. I will learn to love my students. But ultimately my motivation for continuing forward with this challenging job is my family. I have felt both the knowledge from the Spirit that I can do this. And also the feeling that I don’t have to. But I don’t know if that is true anymore. I mean I don’t know if the Spirit would witness that it’s okay if I don’t teach any more. Because it will have consequences for William and my other boys too, but especially Will if I don’t. So I will try. I will really try. I won’t compete. But I will try my best and seek to be inspired and learn from others. I don’t know a lot still about teaching so I will learn as much as I can but I need to still be myself. And that is part of why I need to continue with this. Their are students I need to help. So I will do it. And their are people who will help me become my best self too. If I listen to the Spirit and go often to the temple and seek to

Reach my goals. And I keep loving and serving my amazing fam. Can’t wait to see the big boys in the morning.