June 22, 2023

 I’m afraid it’s been one of those migraine days that I get before my period starts. I knew it would be as soon as I woke up, but I took a hot shower and got dressed, and was able to do a few things before I needed to rest. The medicine is definitely help today, and I’ve been able to do more than usual, so I can feel the headache is still there, just being sort of masked by the medicine. It’s kind of a strange feeling. It’s been a beautiful day! I wish I’d been able to be outside more, but the nice thing about being slightly unwell is that you can’t do too much… Usually, I don’t like to sit for too long, but when I’m not feeling well, I don’t really have a choice. so I ended up sitting with James for a while and actually fell asleep on my bed while he was just sitting there playing a game. I watched Ryan play, Zelda, and together we watched Star Trek this evening. I watched Ryan make some things out of wood in the garage, which was very fun! I went to Dillons with the boys where they bought themselves shakes with their own money and bought me some sweet potato fries. I really enjoyed just sitting sometimes and reading a bit. I think sometimes I get sick so that I’m forced to slow down. And I feel so guilty about just being in the moment. The evening is absolutely gorgeous! I’m sitting here on the porch, looking at the clouds that are bright above the mountains.  It’s after 9 PM, but it’s still so light outside! I love this time of year, and I love how cool it’s been this season. It’s so rare! We still haven’t had a day over 90°… And most of them have been well under that!  Today I think the high was 78 maybe? It’s been beautiful! The boys went for a hike with Autumn, the older boys, and it was fun to see her at Dillons too. She cut her hair very short, and it looks darling! We went to the library and renewed some books. And I hate to say it but I’m continuing to look at other job options just to see if there might be something else out there. Part of me loves the idea of teaching at the boys school having the same schedule mostly and definitely having summers off!  But what will I do in a month or two if I have a headache day like this. Well I take one of my seven precious days off? It’s hard to imagine teaching on a day like today! It’s just hard to know. I continue praying, and I think I need to pray more specifically for strength and faith if this is the right thing. I wish I had more confidence. And I wish I knew the boys would be OK if I don’t work at Venture. I think William now is kind of looking forward to it. I think Peter is a bit, but mostly, I think he wants me to choose some thing that will be good for me.  Of course, William wants that too! And James well, I think he likes to see me at school, but he won’t see me there as much now since I have a stricter schedule. Ryan, of course wants me to be happy and healthy, but I think he knows me so well, and knows that mostly, I’m just really scared! And when I feel tired, and not well, I feel more scared! I’m going to try to do more living in the moment. It doesn’t help me to worry worry never helps anything! I can plan and I can work and I can do what I can to make the school year better, but I’m not going to worry anymore because it doesn’t help! I’m so grateful for my Savior! I’m so grateful for my Heavenly Parents who love me! I’m thankful for the Holy Ghost and for the Scriptures in for a living prophet. And eternally grateful for the blessing of being a parent as a spouse and a sister and a daughter.