March 18: 18 years

 Today is my 18th anniversary! That sounds like a really long time. 18 years ago I was 25. Now I’m 43! In another 18 years I’ll be 61! But really that doesn’t matter very much. It’s been an amazing 18 years! So much good so many happy memories, so many fun times and wonderful experiences with Ryan and with the family that we have now! I can’t imagine my life without him or without our amazing sons! We’ve been away from them for three days, well really just 2 1/2, but I’ve missed them. I know it was really good for us to get away, and have some time just the two of us. I get really anxious when it comes to the boys, really worried about messing up as a mom! That fear and worry and anxiety take a toll on my health, and I think they add to the stress of my kids to even though I try really hard not to let that happen! Plus when I’m worried all the time that has an impact on my marriage! It was really nice to get away and to realize that the two of us just the two of us have a great relationship! And even though we miss the boys, we don’t need them to be able to have our own really great time in our own relationship and family. Knowing that we are still together for eternity, it’s great to realize that we can be happy  in eternity with each other!

We left Thursday evening, after Ryan was done with work, and drove down to Loa. We only stopped to get some dinner at KFC in Lehigh I think it was. It was dark by the time we got there to the snuggle in. Ryan figured out where we were going in Centerville oh that was the other place we stopped. We stop there at DI so he could look for any Nerf things. It’s fun to hang out with him even if we’re just stopping at the eyes and looking for Nerf stuff. But when he didn’t see me right away because I was looking at dresses, he went to call me and saw on the Google Maps the destination which was Lola and the snuggle in. Before that he thought maybe we were going on an airplane. And he said he was glad we didn’t because he needs to prepare himself mentally for that, but just the fact that he thought that was a possibility  makes me feel kind of excited about future travels with him! Next year I’d like to try going on a cruise. And the year after that maybe Italy? Or Paris? Lots of possibilities! And that’s the thing I need to remember coming back home now… That it’s not about where I’m going to be in 18 years, it’s about each day and each year and  doing the best I can with each one continuing to try to be happy healthy with a strong testimony of Jesus Christ. It’s about continuing to love and support and honor and cherish and serve and have fun with my amazing husband. It’s about gratitude! Gratitude makes everything better, but definitely that’s true of marriages and relationships in general!  I need to be more aware of all the blessings I have, instead of noticing the things that maybe I’m not doing so well or that I don’t have. As we were heading into Loa, I was talking with Ryan about our lives, and we definitely have things that we still want to do! Both of us would like to be healthy or physically! Both of us would like to have more in savings, and have a better plan for our money. And both of us partly would love to move to Oregon where we have at least 5 acres of property, but we’ve started to feel like it might be a little bit too late for that. Our boys are getting older and they don’t really want to move and leave their friends and their schools and the wonderful ward that we are a part of. And I don’t blame them! There’s so many great things about having a home that is your home the home you come back to after you go on your mission. The the home you come back to after you’ve left for school or moved away. It’s wonderful having a homebase. And our home on Tyler Avenue may end up being our forever home! And that would be wonderful! But living in a forest in Oregon sounds pretty great too sometimes… Specially when you look around Utah and see how much it’s growing and how much pollution there is, etc. etc. 

But as Ryan and I were driving in to lower and it was dark and we were avoiding hitting deer or elk, I told him quite honestly that if I had known 18 years ago that I would have three amazing boys who are healthy and strong and have strong testimonies of the gospel and who are such great kids and that we live in there’s a risky old house in that wonderful neighborhood in that wonderful ward, and that the boys go to a great school where I am lucky enough to work, and if I had known that Ryan would be working at a wonderful company like O. C. Tanner where he’s been for almost 16 years now! If I had known all of that I would just be dancing jumping for joy feeling so darn lucky!

And when I really look at my life, that is the truth! I am so darn lucky! House in Oregon in a forest, and maybe another two children even a girl maybe and being a size 8 instead of a size 16… Those things would be nice… But what I have is love and joy and amazing people in my life! And I’m gonna have grandkids pretty soon, and I wouldn’t trade what I have for anything! And, when I think about going to Peter‘s wedding reception for example I picture so many people there friends family neighbors relatives because we have a homebase and because we have people who love us who live close by who are watching our kids for us so that we can go away and have this outing! I do not want to take them or our situation for granted!  I am so grateful for my life and for these past 18 years and I can still get to be that size 8 and I plan to in the next six months before my birthday! 

That’s one of the great things about having our anniversary on March 18… It’s two days away from being exactly 6 months until my birthday it’s such a great midway point in the year for me. And I’ve got six months and I can lose 60 pounds at least, and be that size 8, but I won’t be any happier! Just healthier, and better able to run and not be weary and walk and not faint! And I will keep hiking and exploring and being able to keep up with my amazing kids! I want to take better care of the things I’ve been given… That I have great joy I have the possibility of infinite joy right now, in a smaller size or a different home would not change that! 

Yesterday we went into capital reef national Park, and went on the most beautiful hike… We saw rock formations and the sky was blue and there was sunshine and then as we drove yesterday further south we saw glorious mountains lots of snow still, and so much beauty! I’ve seen more deer in the last three days than I’ve seen in forever! It’s been a wonderful trip, and so much beauty and so many great things, I just think with being a little healthier I’ll be able to do more, but it’s been a true joy and being with Ryan is always fun and interesting and just what I need!