February 12: So much

 Today I have had many highs and lows again. I feel ready for my period to be over with in February! Ward council and church were great—though I felt very emotional during sacrament meeting. I love watching my boys help with the sacrament, but it is surreal sometimes that they are so old!! They do a very respectful job with it. I love how they take it seriously and show love and care as they fulfill their priesthood responsibilities. 

After church I had a YW presidency meeting that went really well. We had some good discussion I thought. And the lesson today was great too. We had nine young women there!! And five leaders. I am thankful for that huge blessing. Emily is struggling a bit with the calling, I think. But if she can feel loved and like she has friends that would be amazing!

I had a bit of an emotional breakdown today after church. I loved just relaxing and eating lunch and watching the Chosen with the boys today. But then Ryan mentioned that Jayna wanted to come over and see the 3D printer. The house was a total mess. Dishes, cat toys everywhere just really icky. And I felt super embarrassed. So I tried to clean up quickly. An Ryan and try e boys helped. And I got snippy with them. And then Jayna and Jason came and I just went upstairs and cried. Jayna is great—not my best friend and not someone I feel super close to—but she is very agreeable and has lots of qualities I admire. And I think she really admires Ryan. And I thin he admires her too. And I have a hard time with that. I know I shouldn’t. Ryan loves me and likes me and I love and like him. I go through this same thing probably once a year—where I feel threatened and insecure and like Ryan would be better off with someone else. But he chose me. And I choose him. And I’m super lucky and so is he. 

We talked after. I dried my tears. I felt lots better. I finished cleaning up. And then we went to my moms to watch the super bowl. It was actually really fun. I thought. I liked watching it. It was an incredibly tight game!! The chiefs won in the last eight seconds with a field goal. We left after the third quarter. Good times and lots of fun snack foods. 

Came home and read three chapters of John with the family and got all caught up on Come Follow Me. Which feels good too. I am so blessed. 

Started reading the evil librarians with Will and James tonight. And Peter listened from out in the hall. We getting old, but not too old. 

Grateful that tomorrow is a new day and new week and new start! So thankful that every day can be ultimately bright and happy! Why? Because our Heavenly Father wants it to be!