Please try to remember the first of Octember!

Today is the first day of October, and it is beautiful! The sky is a deep blue, and the trees down here in the neighborhoods are beginning to turn colors just like the trees on the mountain did a month ago.  There is a breeze, and the hope of rain tomorrow, but today it is sunny with a few white and wispy clouds.  

This morning I woke up a little late and a little sore.  The cold weather is something I can now feel in my bones and joints, because I am a Bentley and because I am 39.  But I sleep so much better when it is cold outside.  I never sleep as well when I can't have a blanket on top of me.  And this summer with it's dozens of days in a row record-breaking-heat meant that is was hard to sleep...even with the cooler on.  Now it is easy, and feels natural to sleep a little earlier in the evening and later in the mornings.  To begin to think about hibernating for the winter.  

After getting the kids fed and dressed and combed and prayed over and read to and kissed and hugged and driven to school I went for a walk in the cemetery with my mom.  It is good to walk with her, and I love walking at the cemetery.  It is not too hilly, and it is beautiful.  The trees are huge, there are very few if any people there most days, and the tombstones are old (mostly) and reminders of loved ones who are still important and remembered and around. I feel grateful to be alive when I walk in the cemetery.  And I feel grateful for my many loved ones who still support me (I believe) from the other side of the veil.  

While walking with mom, slowly because I'm still feeling a little streppy, we talked.  She talked about trying to retire, and what that will mean for her and Stan financially.  She talked about feeling older and slower with less energy.  She mentioned looking at smaller houses so that they can downsize and plan to take care of themselves a little easier as they get older.  She is in better shape than I am by a mile.  She is at her ideal weight...and can walk so much faster than me.  She meditates daily, and does Yoga weekly.  She doesn't seem old enough to be thinking about any of this.  

I do wish she would retire sometimes.  I don't know if it would drive her crazy to have all that time on her hands, but I wish she could retire now and have lots of time with Stan.  That they could go see all the national parks as they have wanted to for years. That they could go serve a mission in New Zealand.  I wish that they could relax and enjoy their sweet marriage even more.  And I think having a husband who is ten years older than you has got to make you feel older.  She has to be far more aware of aging than she would if she was still married to my father.  But maybe it makes you appreciate everything more.  Maybe it's like walking in the cemetery.  You realize that you will not be young forever and that time passes quickly and that today is a gift.  

I feel like being only 18 years younger than my mom is kind of the same thing, now.  I realize that in not very long I will be in my mom's shoes.  But of course my situation is different.  I don't need to think about retirement for me, but certainly for Ryan.  I hope by the time I am her age our home will be paid off and we will have a nice comfortable nest egg.  I hope we can plan on traveling together as a couple and serving missions and playing with grandchildren together.  Ryan has been working at OC Tanner for 11 and a half years.  Only 18 and a half till he could retire.  What will these years bring?  

I will remember today.  Today is beautiful.  Today is October and it feels so much like fall.  Our porch is a tribute to fall.  Our home is messy, but full of life.  I ate some delicious veggie chili (that I made for my family last night) for lunch.  I drank a sweet diet coke.  I spoke with Barbara Brown about her volcano cupcakes that she is brining over for our kids and the Cash kids today.  

I will take a hot shower, and wear clean jeans and a clean flannel shirt, and I will work on my knitting.  My scarf for Ryan is almost done! Many more scarves and hats to knit before Christmas.  

I love my life.