Three little onesies
I have recently purchased just that...three little onesies. They are white. They are short-sleved. They are Carter's "Child of Mine" brand, and they are for babies ages 0-3 months. In the past five years I have bought and returned, or given away, lots of baby clothes. It used to be therapeutic, and hopeful, and then it started feeling unhealthy. I have had lots of easy, already-on-hand baby gifts for baby showers. And I usually buy things on sale, so maybe it's just totally been a money-saver. Maybe not.
I know that I have felt very clearly that I don't need to buy baby or maternity things. I take pre-natal vitamins, and have for four years. They're good for non-natal times as well, and have lots of iron. Also lot of Folic Acid, which is quite good for anyone, really. But I've stopped buying baby clothes other than these very simple white onesies.
I like to have them. I like that they are white--perfect for boys or girls. I like that they are Carter's. Good quality, and short sleeves are my favorite kind. I like that they are not for newborns. These are the kind of things I would want if I were really and truly expecting a baby.
These feel real to me. When I bought baby clothes in the past they were generally girl baby clothes. Because they are so fun to buy, and because I have never had that experience before... of buying for my own baby girl. But I might not have a baby girl. And I'm totally okay with that. When I bought clothes before I bought them to give me hope that some day I would use them. Now I know that I could give these to any number of pregnant people I know and they would be put to good use. Whatever these are used for, they will be used, and they will be helpful.
And if it's not my baby, that's okay too. And I like to look at them, because they remind me that I have three beautiful and healthy babies already. They are a joy. They have brought me so much joy and they continue to do just that. They bring me joy because I love them with all my leaky, stenotic, overly-large heart.
And whatever I do in this life, my purpose, my life's mission is already known. My purpose on earth is to love people. My kids, my husband, myself (easy to forget that one, but critical to being able to love any of the others!!!), my siblings, my parents, my grandparents, my nieces and my nephews, my neighbors, my friends, my teachers, my students, my co-workers, my patrons, my readers, my scouts, my aunts and my uncles, and all of my in-laws. And someday I will love my grandchildren, and my daughters in law, and their families. I will always have people to love. And that is what I am here to do. And when I love my people whomever they may be at the time (and always including my three beautiful children and my best friend Ryan) I feel joy. I feel like a radiant mermaid.
So I will keep on losing weight, and walking, and climbing mountains, and eating lots of salad, and trying to avoid those chocolates and diet cokes. I will keep on taking those pre-natal vitamins. But I will also do crazy and stretching things like making a live Facebook video for the fun-run....in which I wear a horse-head on my head...and cheer and clap and make a fool of myself. Because I love my kids and I love their school and part of my loving them right now is helping raise money for their school.
We've raised over $20,000. We're totally going to make our goal. And I am going to be happy and joyful and radiant then. But I am now too. I might buy myself an ice-cream cone though.....before I start my food journal, calorie counting, phase 2 of my weight-loss plan. A mermaid ice-cream cone on the 18th sounds mighty fine to me!
I know that I have felt very clearly that I don't need to buy baby or maternity things. I take pre-natal vitamins, and have for four years. They're good for non-natal times as well, and have lots of iron. Also lot of Folic Acid, which is quite good for anyone, really. But I've stopped buying baby clothes other than these very simple white onesies.
I like to have them. I like that they are white--perfect for boys or girls. I like that they are Carter's. Good quality, and short sleeves are my favorite kind. I like that they are not for newborns. These are the kind of things I would want if I were really and truly expecting a baby.
These feel real to me. When I bought baby clothes in the past they were generally girl baby clothes. Because they are so fun to buy, and because I have never had that experience before... of buying for my own baby girl. But I might not have a baby girl. And I'm totally okay with that. When I bought clothes before I bought them to give me hope that some day I would use them. Now I know that I could give these to any number of pregnant people I know and they would be put to good use. Whatever these are used for, they will be used, and they will be helpful.
And if it's not my baby, that's okay too. And I like to look at them, because they remind me that I have three beautiful and healthy babies already. They are a joy. They have brought me so much joy and they continue to do just that. They bring me joy because I love them with all my leaky, stenotic, overly-large heart.
And whatever I do in this life, my purpose, my life's mission is already known. My purpose on earth is to love people. My kids, my husband, myself (easy to forget that one, but critical to being able to love any of the others!!!), my siblings, my parents, my grandparents, my nieces and my nephews, my neighbors, my friends, my teachers, my students, my co-workers, my patrons, my readers, my scouts, my aunts and my uncles, and all of my in-laws. And someday I will love my grandchildren, and my daughters in law, and their families. I will always have people to love. And that is what I am here to do. And when I love my people whomever they may be at the time (and always including my three beautiful children and my best friend Ryan) I feel joy. I feel like a radiant mermaid.
So I will keep on losing weight, and walking, and climbing mountains, and eating lots of salad, and trying to avoid those chocolates and diet cokes. I will keep on taking those pre-natal vitamins. But I will also do crazy and stretching things like making a live Facebook video for the fun-run....in which I wear a horse-head on my head...and cheer and clap and make a fool of myself. Because I love my kids and I love their school and part of my loving them right now is helping raise money for their school.
We've raised over $20,000. We're totally going to make our goal. And I am going to be happy and joyful and radiant then. But I am now too. I might buy myself an ice-cream cone though.....before I start my food journal, calorie counting, phase 2 of my weight-loss plan. A mermaid ice-cream cone on the 18th sounds mighty fine to me!
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