I'm not going crazy today....because today I could get hit by a bus.

Tomorrow is the fun run.  I've known it was coming, and that I would be helping with it, for about a year.  I'm finding it a little hard to breathe today.  But I am not going to allow myself to go crazy today, or to just write off today as a "crazy one", in which I won't have a lot of patience, or fun, or be very kind or loving, or my best self.  Because I could die today.

I haven't had a premonition or anything, and I really don't think I will. And I certainly don't want to. But it's always a possibility.  And wouldn't it be awful if the last day of my earthly existence was a throw-away day.  There really aren't any of those.  So I know I won't be perfect today (or any day  soon) and I know I need to give myself a little time to rest today, so I can plan on making it through the business and activity of tomorrow.  

But I am going to be my best self today.  I am going to enjoy the snow on the mountains, and the blossoms on the trees.  I am going to enjoy drinking cold water, and eating my breakfast wrap. I am going to enjoy being held in my husband's warm arms for a few sweet moments this morning. I am going to notice the joy on my kiddo's faces when they get to help pass out prizes in the morning, and when we find a huge bag of breadsticks from Aunt Ally on our front porch.  I am going to text my dad and my neighbor and tell them "hello".  I am going to find gigantic cardboard boxes for my son's teacher.  I am going to find mother's day gifts for my mothers and a baby shower gift for my friend. I am going to read my scriptures and a conference talk...one I just love about failure and not giving up.  I am going to pray and feel and smell and taste and see and hear and be today.  

Planning is all well and good, and I should do more of it, no question.  But loving and living is about what I'm doing right now.  And the ends don't justify the means.  The means are the ends.  

"When we die we shall find that we never lived anyplace but heaven." -C.S. Lewis