"No offense, but what do you do all day?"

"No offense, but what do you do all day?"

This question was posed to me a few weeks ago, by an acquaintance of mine.  She used to be a pretty good friend when my boys were in the Advanced Learning Academy at Taylor Canyon.  Her son Raiden and my son Peter started playing together when Peter was 2, and his first preschool year was at her in-home preschool.  She is a very busy sort of person.  Doing preschool in her basement, helping to design and build her family's home, running her own company from that home and supporting her family while her husband goes back to school.  She was part of the PTA presidency from the first year her oldest was in school, and she loves being in charge.  She has four boys and she is the oldest of five kids--and it shows.  Her youngest son is just starting preschool and she can't wait to have a few hours to herself each day.  She is definitely done having kids.  That is always hard for me to hear.  When people who could have more are so ready to be done.  Sigh.

This friend, Brooke, came over to my home drop off an old computer to Ryan.  It had crashed and she needed some files off of it for her business.  She was really hoping he could help her recover some data.  She gave him the computer and then we chatted for about an hour about life.  We got a little bit caught up.  It's been about three years since we've really talked.  Her husband quit his job as a car mechanic.  He's back in school and studying computers.  She's running her company, designing and shipping her creations around the world.  She works all the time.  Her boys are busy, and in three different schools right now.  And to be honest, whenever I am around her I feel tired.  Because she seems tired.  I hope she is happy.  I think she is someone who always wants more, but I could be wrong.  I think she struggles with comparing herself to others, but then don't we all.  

When she asked that question, she prefaced it with the "no offense", which is not some magic bullet that allows you to ask any impertinent or offensive question you can think of, but at least she realized it could be a little hurtful.  But part of me wondered if she was maybe trying to make herself feel a little bit better, by making me feel bad....maybe not. I hope not.  But our lives are pretty different right now, and three years ago we were kind of in the same boat.  

My husband has an amazing job at a company he loves, and he worked hard to finish his degree, and he is in the bishopric and loves our ward, and he is happy.  Her husband always seems very unhappy.  My husband is kind and helpful and loves kids.  And I love him and I'm proud of him.  I love our house and we have plenty of space for our kids.  I love our kids.  I love my life.  And so maybe that shows, and maybe if her life was feeling hard and not what she had planned, it would help to showcase her superiority in keeping busy and working super duper hard and having more children than I can.  And I do think it is very admirable that she has supported her husband in quitting his job, and going back to school.  And I know she loves him and her kids.  But she doesn't ever seem very happy.  

Anywho...I told her that I kept busy cleaning the house, and helping out neighbors and siblings and other family.  I told her that I was working on some writing, and trying to teach English online.  I told her that I had tons of home and yard projects I wanted to get to.  And I told her that I hoped to work at the library again in a few years when the boys were older.  

And I felt kind of bad. All of my fears of not living up to my potential, and not developing talents, and not making the most of my life, and especially not being busy taking care of my little kids (which I would absolutely love to be doing), came rushing to my mind.  And I felt bad.

BUT, the truth is, I have a really good plan.  And I do a lot of good every day.  I feel more intentional about my life than I have in a long time.  

I will post my daily schedule tomorrow, or Monday, because I think it will be good to save it to this blog for me to look back on in the future, and to make it seem more permanent.  

But basically, here's the five year plan.  Here's what I will do all day, for now. I should print and copy this for the next time someone asks me that question! 

I live this blessed and beautiful life the best I can each day by....

*Strengthening and nourishing my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  Living worthy of the Spirit.  Loving Them and feeling Their love.  Noticing the beauty all around me.  Reading the scriptures.  Listening to conference talks and words of prophets and apostles and church leaders.  Praying always.  Keeping my covenants.  Seeking and following counsel from the Lord, through the Spirit.  Repenting daily.  Learning more about the Savior and His atonement.  Centering my life in Him.  Testifying of Him daily through what I do and say.  Being an example of the believers.  Fearing not.  Developing greater faith, hope and charity.  Loving and letting that love beget Joy!!! Memorizing "The Living Christ"

* Supporting my husband and kids by being here for them, helping to create the kind of loving, supportive safe-haven of a home that is filled with the Spirit. The home that I want for our family. Teaching the gospel intentionally and by example.  Loving, loving, and more loving. Teaching my kids that love equals joy, and love is the fulfilling of the law. Creating a Christ-centered home.  Celebrating the gospel.  Encouraging priesthood blessings, and power.  Family home evenings and family councils weekly.  Teaching obedience and repentance.  Memorizing "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". Keeping my convenants and teaching my children to do the same. Living the gospel joyful!!!!

* Teaching my kids the things they need to know in life.  Lots of reading!! Encouraging learning and participation in their school.  Transporting kids to and from their amazing school. Volunteering at said school. Keeping up to date on how they are doing in school, academically, socially, physically, etc.  Communicating with teachers and other parents at the school.  Enjoying the community at school and supporting the teachers and administration.  Helping supplement instruction when needed with at-home study! Encouraging art and creativity and talent development.  Teaching my kids to play the piano and appreciate music. Reading to my kids every night!!!!! 

* Supporting my kids in extra-curricular activities and budgeting those activities in.  Musicals, music lessons, swimming lessons, baseball, karate, tennis, etc. etc.  Attending these and transporting them to these with love. 

* Creating a home of order and cleanliness. Working on home projects, planting gardens and keeping the yard and home looking spectacular.  Saving for big projects, but working each day on making our home more like the temple.  Creating a home where friends and family are welcome anytime, and everyone feels loved. Having a home that is intentional. Being a foundation and home base for my kids, siblings, parents, and neighbors. Teaching my children how to clean, and work hard around the house and yard.

* Magnifying my callings in our ward, and getting to know all the members of our ward and non-members, and really know everyone within our ward boundaries.  Being someone who helps, and does so without fanfare, and usually anonymously.  Supporting the leaders of the ward, especially my husband.  Ministering with love and empathy.  Looking for those in the ward and neighborhood who need a friend or an extra hand.  Teaching my kids to do the same. 

* Doing temple work and family history work and trying to take friends and family to the temple with me.  Especially when boys turn 12, try and go to the temple, doing baptisms once a week.  Teaching my kids about the importance of temple covenants, and getting to know our ancestors.  Teaching them of the blessings that come to our lives when we do temple and family history work.  

*  Making healthy food and exercise choices for myself, and providing healthy, vegetarian, well-balanced meals for my family (and friends who may need food), and teaching my kids how to cook, and make healthy food choices.  Avoiding fast food, and learning to love cooking! Becoming the kind of chef/cook I want to be! Making food creations that I am proud of, and sharing them with others.  Nourishing.  In the most basic, literal sense of the word.  This is a HUGE blessing....that I have the chance to NOURISH my family.  Loving and embracing that role. 

*  And along with this, achieving my health goals...a healthy weight, healthier heart, mind, muscles, etc.  Able to run and not be weary and walk and not faint.  Hiking, exercising, biking, camping, backpacking, etc. alone and with my family! Making exercise a happy part of our daily lives.  Embracing and loving our bodies and truly appreciating them.  

*Developing my talents.  Writing every day.  Drawing and water-coloring.  Practicing the piano and clarinet.  Singing, and learning to sing better.  Learning to play the cello.  Attending concerts, art shows, readings, etc.  Reading all that I can.  Taking classes to develop my talents.  Working hard on my books, and submitting them to publishers.  Not being afraid to call myself  a writer.  Giving gifts of art and writing to loved ones.  Practicing my knitting and sewing.  Learning to quilt.  Learning to crochet.  Sewing clothes for myself and for loved ones.  

* Living within my means and saving.  Living the principles Ryan and I are learning in our Personal Finance class.  Living joyfully, and gratefully within our harvest.  Giving generously to those in need (within our budget). Keeping a faithful budget/ledger of income and expenses.  Saving for future selves.  Saving for boys' missions and college.  Teaching them how to save and spend and give generous tithing.  Paying a full and honest tithe and generous fast offering! Teaching the boys this by precept and example.  Paying off all debt except for house.  Planning out all spending first.  Counseling with Ryan about our finances once a week.  Teaching others (who ask) to do the same.  Saving for trips and home projects and other fun things.  

* Traveling and planning out trips for the future.  Seeing the world. Traveling within our budget.  Traveling alone, with Ryan, and with our whole family.  Teaching my children to travel and love it.  Camping, and backpacking.  Traveling without spending needlessly.  Helping my children see the beauty and enormity of the world and our connection to all the people and animals on it.  Not being afraid to call myself a traveler!

* Loving my extended family. Connecting with and staying close to extended family.  Siblings, parents, cousins, grandparents, and all my in-laws.  Working at it.  Making extended family a priority.  Saying yes with love and no with love.  

* Loving my friends. Developing and nourishing healthy riendships.  Being respectful and kind to all. Not being afraid to have only a few close friends. Saying yes with love and no with love.  

* Keeping connected with my co-workers at the library and keeping the door open to be able to work there again in a few years (3-5) part-time. Going to the library weekly myself and/or with kids.  Looking into earning my Masters of Library Sciences online.  Not being afraid to call myself a librarian.  

*  Enjoying nature.  Being connected to the outdoors.  Being outside a lot. Knowing the mountains. Learning about the plants, animals, rocks, stars, weather, etc. around me and teaching my boys to love the creations of our Father in Heaven.  

(* Preparing for more children in our family.  I don't know if we will have more, and I don't know how they will come, I know that I should not get pregnant again. But if I am working on everything else on this list, we will be joyfully prepared.)

So this is what I will do....and much of this I am already doing. And I will change this as needed.  As directed by the Spirit. This is what I do all day.  I am so grateful that I can.  I love my life.