Deep Breathing
I'm going to try really hard not to feel guilty about missing two days of blogging already, and instead just jump back in and try to write a little about today. Guilt really isn't very useful, is it? It can be a little pinprick of a reminder that then leads to action, but if it's just a constant vice around your heart then there's a problem. Today I have been feeling guilty for the following reasons:
1. I let William stay home because he was feeling sick, but he probably could have gone, and because he stayed home I have not been able to do the things I was going to do at the school and now I feel guilty about that too!
2. I didn't do the things I needed to do at the school this morning because William was home sick. And I kind of forgot what time I was supposed to be there. I feel very disconnected from the school and the rest of the FCO and the Funrun crew and just feel kind of resentful about all of it!
3. I feel like a should be doing a better job with fun run. But I also feel like I don't really know what I'm doing.
4. Molly wants to hang out more, I think, but with her little girls she is in a different phase of life from me, and I am doing lots of other things outside of the home, except for the days I'm home taking care of one of my son's who may or may not really be sick.
5. It's the week of Easter, and I'm trying to bring the Spirit into our home more abundantly, especially in the mornings and evenings. And I think I did pretty well yesterday, and this morning, but with my plans all gone out the window today I have been a little snippy with William, which I don't like, and which is because I'm really upset with myself.
6. I was a little snippy with William.
7. Sometimes I wish I still worked at the library, because then I was busy, but it all seemed a little more legit for whatever reason. But I'd be stressing out for different reasons if I were still working there.
8. I really want some sugar and a big diet coke right now.
So maybe what I'm experiencing right now is a combination of guilt, overwhelm, and sugar/caffeine withdrawals. That's a different story. Or it's the same story told a different way....Let's try that:
1. I am really happy and humbly proud that I've lost seven pounds since Wednesday. That's nothing to sniff at. And it's because I haven't been drinking as much diet coke, and have avoided flour and most sugar. Just allowing myself the good kind of chocolate that's low-carb and that Ryan hates with a passion.
2. William just came up two seconds ago and gave me a big hug and told me he loved me and I told him he could play Zelda and I'd be down to watch him in ten minutes.
3. I have a good friend who I like to hang out with and who happens to live right next door! How cool is that?!!
4. Ryan works really hard and loves me and our boys so much and I can stay home and I don't need to work outside of the home right now, and that is pretty amazing in the year 2018 that I can be a stay-at-home momma and wifey!
5. I have a diet Sunkist and just took an excedrin and I'm going to go eat some healthy popcorn in a second with William whose tummy seems just fine right now.
6. And that's a good thing too. I'd rather he not be sick!!!! A bout of stomach flu is not what we need right now!
7. The Savior's love is very real and His atonement means that He understands exactly what I'm feeling even if I don't. And I'm doing a pretty good job of teaching my boys about Him and His love. And my imperfections allow them to learn, and allow me to teach them by example about the need for the atonement!
8. I shoveled all the walks today and got some good exercise and helped our neighbors and nobody saw me do it, which is my new goal when I do service. Stealth service!!
9. I've got an awesome little FHE for each day this week and it feels good to have the boys aware of Holy Week, and I'm glad we've been doing this since they were little tikes. That's in large part because of my mom!
10. I'm doing the best I can with the fun run for today, but tomorrow's best will be even better. And having a sick kid, and a friend die (last week), and a big cardiologist appointment are some big things, but I can still do an incredible job with fun run, because I can do hard things. And I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me.
11. Writing really does help and I feel much better, and I am grateful that I took a second today to blog.
So now I'm going to call my fun run person, change the laundry, throw in a load of dishes, but first I'm gonna grab the popcorn and watch William play Zelda....for at least ten minutes!
1. I let William stay home because he was feeling sick, but he probably could have gone, and because he stayed home I have not been able to do the things I was going to do at the school and now I feel guilty about that too!
2. I didn't do the things I needed to do at the school this morning because William was home sick. And I kind of forgot what time I was supposed to be there. I feel very disconnected from the school and the rest of the FCO and the Funrun crew and just feel kind of resentful about all of it!
3. I feel like a should be doing a better job with fun run. But I also feel like I don't really know what I'm doing.
4. Molly wants to hang out more, I think, but with her little girls she is in a different phase of life from me, and I am doing lots of other things outside of the home, except for the days I'm home taking care of one of my son's who may or may not really be sick.
5. It's the week of Easter, and I'm trying to bring the Spirit into our home more abundantly, especially in the mornings and evenings. And I think I did pretty well yesterday, and this morning, but with my plans all gone out the window today I have been a little snippy with William, which I don't like, and which is because I'm really upset with myself.
6. I was a little snippy with William.
7. Sometimes I wish I still worked at the library, because then I was busy, but it all seemed a little more legit for whatever reason. But I'd be stressing out for different reasons if I were still working there.
8. I really want some sugar and a big diet coke right now.
So maybe what I'm experiencing right now is a combination of guilt, overwhelm, and sugar/caffeine withdrawals. That's a different story. Or it's the same story told a different way....Let's try that:
1. I am really happy and humbly proud that I've lost seven pounds since Wednesday. That's nothing to sniff at. And it's because I haven't been drinking as much diet coke, and have avoided flour and most sugar. Just allowing myself the good kind of chocolate that's low-carb and that Ryan hates with a passion.
2. William just came up two seconds ago and gave me a big hug and told me he loved me and I told him he could play Zelda and I'd be down to watch him in ten minutes.
3. I have a good friend who I like to hang out with and who happens to live right next door! How cool is that?!!
4. Ryan works really hard and loves me and our boys so much and I can stay home and I don't need to work outside of the home right now, and that is pretty amazing in the year 2018 that I can be a stay-at-home momma and wifey!
5. I have a diet Sunkist and just took an excedrin and I'm going to go eat some healthy popcorn in a second with William whose tummy seems just fine right now.
6. And that's a good thing too. I'd rather he not be sick!!!! A bout of stomach flu is not what we need right now!
7. The Savior's love is very real and His atonement means that He understands exactly what I'm feeling even if I don't. And I'm doing a pretty good job of teaching my boys about Him and His love. And my imperfections allow them to learn, and allow me to teach them by example about the need for the atonement!
8. I shoveled all the walks today and got some good exercise and helped our neighbors and nobody saw me do it, which is my new goal when I do service. Stealth service!!
9. I've got an awesome little FHE for each day this week and it feels good to have the boys aware of Holy Week, and I'm glad we've been doing this since they were little tikes. That's in large part because of my mom!
10. I'm doing the best I can with the fun run for today, but tomorrow's best will be even better. And having a sick kid, and a friend die (last week), and a big cardiologist appointment are some big things, but I can still do an incredible job with fun run, because I can do hard things. And I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me.
11. Writing really does help and I feel much better, and I am grateful that I took a second today to blog.
So now I'm going to call my fun run person, change the laundry, throw in a load of dishes, but first I'm gonna grab the popcorn and watch William play Zelda....for at least ten minutes!
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