Quitting and Renewing and Receiving

This morning at the end of my shift at work (yes, I worked on Martin Luther King Jr. day....surprisingly the library was open today) I told Janet, my very kind and wonderful circulation manager that I would be quitting.  I had mentioned last Thursday to her that I was thinking about it.  She said, very kindly, that "Family always comes first".  I agree, and I hope my family knows that.  Today I told her I'd been thinking, and praying about it, and even talked to my bishop, and felt like I had gone back to work too early.  She was so nice about it.  She told me she had really enjoyed working with me, and she would miss me, and she hoped that in a few years when my boys were older that I would come back to work at the library again.  And then I left.  I told her I could work for as long as they needed me...until they found someone else.  She told me to talk to Phoebe.  Phoebe makes me nervous.  She's mostly been really nice, but she can be a little intimidating, and once she yelled at me in a whisper when I was talking too much to Josh (another circulation employee).  I left her a message, on her voicemail.  She hasn't called back.  I'm not sure what she'll say tomorrow, but it's going to be okay.

I knew I was going to quit today, and I woke up before six.  I think I was a little nervous about the whole thing.  I went downstairs while Ryan was still sleeping and I prayed for about an hour.  It felt really good to talk with Heavenly Father about what I've been thinking and feeling.  And I kept thinking about the way that love casts out fear.  I didn't need to be nervous.  I loved my family, and I loved my co-workers, and I love the library, and I didn't need to fear.  My time working at the library is complete for now.. or almost complete.  And that's okay.  

I also am wondering how it is that we know someone else loves us.  I know when I feel love for someone else, but how do I know someone loves me.  I prayed about this, and I'm still thinking about it.  If feelings comes from our thoughts, then does someone else loving me change my thoughts so that I feel loved?  I think the Holy Ghost testifies that God loves us, and really actually gives us that feeling of warmth, comfort, and love.  What a huge blessing to have that gift! I hope I receive the Holy Ghost daily!

After I got home from work and called Phoebe (nervously) I visited with Ryan who has been busily fixing things and shopping and cleaning and helping the boys and playing monopoly with them and generally being amazing! And then I went to see Paddington 2 with the boys which was just a treat! I really enjoyed it.  I loved the first one too, and this one was just as good, if not better.  I can really relate to Mrs. Brown! Great time with the boys.  And Ryan worked on insulating the basement wall that needs repairing.  He deserves a huge hug and kiss and a good night's sleep tonight.  Seriously!  

We had ice-cream and cereal for dinner tonight, and then had FHE about Martin Luther King Jr.  It was great to just discuss his life and all he did with the boys.  I love them.  Good discussion and I think they were understandably shocked to hear about some of the conditions for African Americans back in the 50's and 60's.  I wish President Obama was still President.  I wish that Trump would be summarily and entirely dismissed.  I don't like his racism, (along with almost everything else about him) but I do like all the pushback from the rest of the country and the fact that my boys can see the obvious difference in presidents and ideas.  I wonder what Paddington would do for Trump..he sees the good in everyone.  I wonder what Martin Luther King Jr. would do for Trump.  I wonder what the Savior would say to Trump.  I do know that I can't be silent about and just ignore evil, but I need to remember that "hate can't push out hate, only love can do that." And that "Right now is always the right time to do the right thing." 

Or as Ryan says, "It's always the right time to follow spiritual promptings."  Another good man.  I wonder what he would say to Trump!