January 11, 2018
Today has been worth writing about. Every day is, really. It's after 11:30pm, and I'm tired, and cold (I turn the furnace down when I leave the house, and forget to turn it up!), and achy. I think my arthritis has taken a turn for the worse this winter. My bed looks warm, and soft, and inviting as all get out. But I can't go to sleep tonight without writing about William's pinewood derby car. He put it in the box of toys to be taken to the D.I. I took that box today, along with one other and a bag of my old clothes to be dropped off there, but before I did, I removed that pinewood derby car. He shaped it and painted it like an orca. It is beautiful. It didn't win, but it was his first pinewood derby car and he was so excited. And Peter's car did slightly better, but I remember Peter lied about that fact afterwards when we were at Farr's celebrating.
He told William that William's car had done better than his. And William felt better. And we all ate ice cream. It was snowing rather badly that night, but I was glad we had gone to Farr's, and that the boys had had that conversation, and that I had heard it. They were both in cub scouts then. Now Peter is in 11-year-old scouts. I don't know if my brothers ever did that. They probably did. It's the year in between cubs and actual boy scouts. He needs to start wearing the khaki shirt now. We'll have to move over all his patches I suppose. James is very excited for cub scouts. I have a hard time getting Will excited about going, especially now that Peter goes on Wednesdays. But I loved that car, and so did he. Ryan helped him with it, and helped Peter with all of his. And helped James with the one he got to do for the ward pinewood derby competition--when anyone could try it. James can't wait for cub scouts. How quickly time passes. But I will always remember today, the day I saved the orca car, and I will always remember that pinewood derby and that Farr's ice-cream on a very snowy night. It must have just been last year. Wow.
I was late for work this evening by a few minutes. William cried when it was time for me to go. I cried in the van on the way there. Janet talked to me about stepping up my work efforts to try and catch up to the other Assistant Specialists. I'm sure she's wondered a few times why they hired me with no library experience. I'm sure some of the other library employees have wondered too. I know I have. I think tomorrow I will give Phoebe, and Janet my notice. Maybe I'll try and work one more week, but I feel done. I am missing things. Working in the evenings and weekends means I miss time with my boys and my husband. I already don't see them as much as I'd like to. It's time for a change.
I have a lot of new year's resolutions and goals and patterns I set today. I'm excited about the new challenges and opportunities. I'm excited to try and open myself up more to receive the blessings Heavenly Father has for me--- blessings he is pouring down upon me all the time-- that I just need to receive-- put down my umbrella for goodness sake! I also want to try to radiate and share that love and those blessings I receive throughout the year. So I hope to receive and radiate. It all really comes down to love. Feeling loved by God, and feeling love for Him and then for myself and everyone else around me.
I am proud of myself for trying out this new job. This was new and kind of scary, but I did it. And now I'm done with it, after giving it a good try, and I'm not going to be afraid to stop doing it, and trying something new. This part of my life is complete. Maybe in ten years I'll work for the library again. But for now, I want to be home. I want to find the orca cars in the boxes of donations. I want to write about them. I want to hug William and eat dinner with him, and read to the boys, and snuggle with my husband.
I did watch Clara today, and vacuum, and did dishes and laundry, and went shopping and returned a gift card to JC Penney and got money back for Ryan to take his online woodworking class, and cooked and picked up the kids and dropped them off and watched a Northern Exposure. And planned out my 10 week plan to drop 25 lbs, and planned my goals for the year and that feels good. It's been a beautiful day. And I wrote a blog post!
I was late for work this evening by a few minutes. William cried when it was time for me to go. I cried in the van on the way there. Janet talked to me about stepping up my work efforts to try and catch up to the other Assistant Specialists. I'm sure she's wondered a few times why they hired me with no library experience. I'm sure some of the other library employees have wondered too. I know I have. I think tomorrow I will give Phoebe, and Janet my notice. Maybe I'll try and work one more week, but I feel done. I am missing things. Working in the evenings and weekends means I miss time with my boys and my husband. I already don't see them as much as I'd like to. It's time for a change.
I have a lot of new year's resolutions and goals and patterns I set today. I'm excited about the new challenges and opportunities. I'm excited to try and open myself up more to receive the blessings Heavenly Father has for me--- blessings he is pouring down upon me all the time-- that I just need to receive-- put down my umbrella for goodness sake! I also want to try to radiate and share that love and those blessings I receive throughout the year. So I hope to receive and radiate. It all really comes down to love. Feeling loved by God, and feeling love for Him and then for myself and everyone else around me.
I am proud of myself for trying out this new job. This was new and kind of scary, but I did it. And now I'm done with it, after giving it a good try, and I'm not going to be afraid to stop doing it, and trying something new. This part of my life is complete. Maybe in ten years I'll work for the library again. But for now, I want to be home. I want to find the orca cars in the boxes of donations. I want to write about them. I want to hug William and eat dinner with him, and read to the boys, and snuggle with my husband.
I did watch Clara today, and vacuum, and did dishes and laundry, and went shopping and returned a gift card to JC Penney and got money back for Ryan to take his online woodworking class, and cooked and picked up the kids and dropped them off and watched a Northern Exposure. And planned out my 10 week plan to drop 25 lbs, and planned my goals for the year and that feels good. It's been a beautiful day. And I wrote a blog post!
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